tambay sa tabi

on being me.

2009-09-11T18:00:00.002+08:00

as a friend, im very low maintenance. you dont need to text me every day. no need to see me everyday. once in a while remembering will do. and i assure you, i'll be forever loyal. ndi ko lang naiintindihan kung bakit simpleng bagay ndi pa naiintindihan. bakit kelangan ako i-push to my limit and hurt me.
i admit im not perfect. masungit ako. pride to the high. its my way of coping. its me. its nice to be with friends. but now, im not enjoying. people may see it as a shallow-arte move. but its me. ganon talaga ako.
i dont want my life to be planned. it bores me. (i think) im wild in my own normal way that it if exceeds my limit. i panic and break down. i have been crying over this for some time now. baka nga it really is something to me. sana lang hindi ganto kasi masakit na.
baka nga talagang walang problema. baka its just me. thank you blog for being my constant sponge. i dont share things as often as i would with tsismis. sana nga ganun nalang. baka it would help me. but then again, its just me.

lost.

2009-09-07T15:26:00.002+08:00

i don't know whats up with me. i have been swarming up on people until they hate me. as in really hate me? why do i do it? i dont know. grabe talaga. ndi koooo alaaaaaam. for the people i made this wrong move. im sorry. i assure you. i'll try my best not to do it again. i'll try to get lost.

on returning, saying goodbye, or just being myself.

2009-08-09T16:05:00.002+08:00

for the nth time. i had to reclaim by blog. ahahahaa. i was kinda surprised nga that blogspot was still on. i missed typing long shits. ahahahaa. i'll do the remembering of the past 2 years next time.
eto ako ngayon. nanunuod ng tv. yes its about cory. i read the newspaper i while ago.. yes its about cory too. A writer said, that to people born after EDSA I, Cory was a former president, 1st female president in Asia, Kris' mother and a woman always in yellow. i cant help but cry whenever its about her. i dont know if its because of her or im just really a cry baby. but while i was reading. i suddenly stopped. i didn't finish reading. its not that im not interested. i think everything is just too much. it has STOP. at least for myself, it needs to stop. i still continued watching tv but its not about cory.

**"you should look out for yourself. coz if you don't, no one else will."

ramblings of a rambler no.1

2007-10-08T22:27:00.000+08:00

it's been two weeks na ata since i last posted. nakakatawa. nakalimutan ko nanaman yung username and password. guess im getting old. hahaha!!! so much happened to me these past 2 weeks. i was planning to write everything here. but you see.. wala. kasi tinamad ako :p what's new. and i forgot some of them already.

naalala ko lang last week is that i saw old people dancing. and they danced as if no one was watching. they were quite old and didn't really move that good. but that sight, for me, was amusing. tae. amusing? that made it seem funny. ndi ko kasi ma-explain. i tried telling that story to my classmates. and just as i thought. they laughed. anong nakakatawa dun? naisip ko tuloy. what's cool in not dancing? do we not dance coz we think its corny? or do we not coz we don't know how and wouldn't want anyone to know and laugh at us. while i was watching, gumigilid na luha sa mata ko. i was just sitting there watching them bust their moves. i wish i could give them my youth. ma-enjoy man lang nila yung pagsasayaw nila. but come to think of it. they had their time. pero tayo mahaba pa. its up to us how we spent it. ndi siguro maganda na 3/4 ng buhay ko nakaupo ako at nagyoyosi.

Sa nayon ko (tama ba?)

-created by Bj

Sa nayon ko, puro lalaki. madaming prostitute. sa murang halaga na 500, pde na. mapag-iipunan ng tricycle driver o kung sino man. ang paborito nila sa babae.. yung crispy fried. una, itatali muna sa puno yung babae. syyempre nakabuka yung legs. sa ilalalim. magsisimula ng apoy. tapos lalagyan ng kahit anong cooking oil yung (i can't say it. medical term nalang. sorry if you can't understand) pudendum. tapos yun na. magiging crispy fried na. kukurot yung lalaki sa balat. may onting dugo pa. yan ang mga tao sa nayon ko.

**sorry mejo kadiri yung kwento. nadiri rin naman ako. but it's just a short story. ( i hope) yung gumawa niyan, malapit nang sumulat ng komiks sa mga bareta. yehey. penge pera.

i am BACK!!!!

2007-09-18T00:53:00.000+08:00

nakakatawa! it's been almost a year since i last blogged. ndi ko na natandaan yung username and password ko. hahaha! i even had to re-claim this blog. fannieh. who cares. akin naman to. i can still remember the first time i blogged and why i did it. nainggit na ata ako sa mga binabasa ko. they have been very impressive in maintaining and preserving theirs.. eh yung akin, inamag na. hahahah. but for the same reason i had a year ago, i still don't know what i write about. i just feel like writing.
the whole year (not starting from january) is quite a good year.. i met and forgot a lot of people. i guess everything is changed. i've been enjoying essays these past few months. ndi kasi ako makabasa ng novels. tae sa haba. ndi ko nga mabasa academic books ko. leisure books pa kaya? eh yung essays,they're quite short. enough to be read in one sitting without making a hole in your chair. ang sarap nun enjoy kahit sandali. quickie in a malicious language. hahahahah! catch uppp later! :) i miss you blog <3>

watching tv could kill

2006-10-29T01:53:00.000+08:00

there are a lot of stuffs troubling me now. im feeling too sentimental and emotional. effect ata ng one tree hill. people's lives changing, feeling alone and being alone. sakto. bigla ko tuloy namiss lahat. lahat, kasi i dont even know what im missing. i just miss.
i really dont have anything to do, so nanunuod lang ako ng tv hanggang bumagsak mata ko. after manuod, reflect? yun ata tawag dun. you try relating stories with your life. kung may match at same thing happened in the end, BINGO. kung hindi, masakit aminin pero, it sucks big time. its as if you're living your life the wrong way. alam kong hindi dapat sineryoso. palabas nga eh. show = not real. but most of the time... its real. siguro dahil tao rin yung gumawa nun. wala lang.
lately, im feeling off about everything. eto na siguro yung stress na tinatawag. kaya lang, its kinda ironic na stress fills my life on a sembreak. as in nothing to study. ang labo.
kung ndi ka nanunuod ng tv, ndi boring buhay mo. kaya ka nanunuod kasi you have a boring life and needs to be entertained. if you're not getting this, okey lang. maybe its not you. maybe its me.

* "i hope life isn't a joke, coz i don't get it"

sakit sa puso. shit.

2006-09-30T17:53:00.000+08:00

one thing about me having crushes, minsan lang sa isang century. i guess i watch too much tv. kaya nagkakaroon ng concept ng dream boy. yung tipong kakadream ko, dream na nga lang talaga. ayoko nung may kakilala sa circle of friends. meron nga, pero no one is really that dream-boy type.
you try to do your best to impress. though he may not see it, you know its a step to him. you try to do something you really had no idea, step rin to him. then malalaman mo na may nililigawan(?) siya na kilala mo. how fucked up is that. lahat ng ginawa and thinking to do nawala. like a piece of glass shattered into pieces. ndi na mabubuo ulit.
ithink im okey, pero ndi ko alam, prang ndi. i guess i have to wait for another century.

--"my ex-husband is still a prince charming, just not mine..." -miriam quiambao

happy night

2006-09-24T04:22:00.000+08:00

i have just arrived from popsy's party. hmm.. af? ahahah! ang saya. did the same shit. sobrang daming beer, yosi and videoke. our lives kinda revolved around those 3. masama pero masaya. you know what i mean. namiss ko na yung ganong moments. for the past 4months, though nagkikita kme, ndi namin ginagawa yun. ngayon lang coz its her 18th birthday :D wala lang ang saya. hindi ako masyadong makaisip maybe because of all the drinks i had. gusto ko lang mgshare. marami akong nasa isip pero ndi ko maisip kung pano ko isusulat. inaantok nko. good night.

--> "as our lives change, we remember. we will still be friends forever..."

hmmphs. nursing to its ewaness

2006-09-16T01:16:00.000+08:00

its been a while since i updated this blog. tae. ang galing ko. im using my cousin's desktop settings (kung ano man tawag dito). korean yung language. kinakapa ko lang. very impressive. good job kiz.
hayy nko. i have a debate soon. hindi ko pa nga alam sasabihin. ive been thinking for weeks. the motion is about the abolishment of nursing mushroom schools. since nursing student ako. my group chose that topic. ano nga ba points dito. sa pro ako. but really, im anti abolishment.
sige na. these mushroom schools, binabawasan nila yung kalidad ng mga tunay na nurses. parang anyone could be one. EH ANO?! masyadong mababaw ang basis na yun. e pano kung mahirap ka talaga? ndi mo naman siguro kasalanan na wala kang pera pang-aral. isa ka lang tao na umaasang makapag-aral at umayos ang buhay. kung itong mga mushroom schools ay makapagbibigay ng mas murang edukasyon, bakit hindi? kung tatanggalin nila tong mga paaralan na to, para na rin nilang sinabi na ang walang pera ay dapat kalimutan ang pangarap na maging nurse, doctor o kung ano pa man. i am not saying that the good schools are doing nothing about these hopefulls. oo nga may scholarships. really smart kids who can't pay for the best education get educated for free. dito na papasok ang isa pang argument. san nga ba masusukat ang isang profesional? IQ or skill? that's another story.
i feel kinda sad and frustrated at the same time. out of 10 people, 10 said they want to abolish these schools. ngresign pa dean nmin sa ched dahil sa mga schools na to. why do priviliged people think that anyone can have what they have? iba iba tayo ng status. iba iba tayo ng sweldo. iba iba tayong tao. why don't we give other people a chance to achieve things without killing themselves? why don't we let them have their own way of getting into things. sa huli naman, ang importante ay abilidad at talino.

**please do comment. need more points
"The depth of your belief and the strength of your conviction
determines the power of your personality."
--Brian Tracy

helping without really doing anything

2006-08-19T01:43:00.000+08:00

Dear friends,
Right now a tragedy is unfolding in the Middle East. Thousands of innocent civilians have been killed or wounded in the bombings in Lebanon, Palestine and Israel and the death toll is rising every day. If the US, Syria or Iran get involved, there is a chance of a catastrophic larger war. UN Secretary General Kofi Annan has called for an immediate ceasefire and the deployment of international troops to the Israel-Lebanon border, and been strongly supported by almost every world leader. This is the best proposal yet to stop the violence, but the US, the UK, and Israel have refused to accept it. I have just signed a petition calling on US President Bush, UK Prime Minister Blair, and Israeli Prime Minister Olmert to support Kofi Annan's proposal. If millions of people join this call, and we advertise our views in newspapers in the US, UK, and Israel, we can help pressure these leaders to stop the fighting. Go to the link below and sign up now! http://www.ceasefirecampaign.org
With hope,
kiz

pano nangyayari yun? coffee tayo.

2006-08-15T20:21:00.000+08:00

am i a breath away from my dorm right now. i really need to put this up. kung ndi, makakalimutan ko na. fyi: had a couple of drinks, bear with me :p

here a scenario:
boy sees girl in a somewhat place. boy or girl asks a question and the other person answers. they trade questions. unfortunately, the other person needs to go. he says, " i need to go now. would like to grab some coffee or something tomorrow?" boy or girl says, "yeah sure, i'd love that". the friendship goes on. some turn to lovers while the others remain friends, really close friends.

pano nangyayari yun??? how can you be sure that someone is worth knowing?? how can you be sure that, that someone is safe to be with? hindi ko talaga alam.
i met someone kanina. while waiting reg and grace buy their tickets for lrt, the guy before us was funny. he paid a P50 bill and got P1.00 x god knows as his change. nagkatabi kami sa train. parang ako, "you were the crap guy." he was like, "im sorry??" i said, "the guy who got a lot of coins sa machine" he said, "oh yeah. haha" the conversation was kinda short coz he needed to go.
no. he didn't ask me to grab a coffee or something. naisip ko lang na if he did, ano sasabihin ko? you can't just allow your self to hang out with a stranger. nakakabaliw yun. pero bakit sa movies or series? things happen just like that. pano kung yung inaakala mong personality ay kabaliktaran pala? anong gagawin mo? do you just say, "i had a great time, but i think this won't work out" or " ang saya. text text na lang" then you would never text him nor reply to his messages. kaya siguro sa tv pinapakita yung mga ganun. kasi ndi talaga siya pde sa totoong buhay. yun naman talaga ata purpose ng mga palabas. to entertain. to let you see what you can't see in real life. to give you a feeling that life is like a cup of coffee. may time na masarap ang timpla. minsan mapait. minsan malamig. minsan mainit. minsan ndi mo gusto. minsan naman you crave for it. pero sa lahat ng oras, it's what keeps you going no matter what. kape tayo :)

coffee, yosi, kumakanta sa gilid and me

2006-08-12T21:03:00.000+08:00

i was supposed to go to a party tonight. kaso tinamaad at labo ng transpo. as if not having transpo could stop me. labo. nasa jeep na nga ako eh. kaso parang biglang ayaw ko na. so bumaba ako, lumipat ng jeep back to angono. ayaw ko pa umuwi dahil sayang sa damit. haha. ngkape muna sa art cafe :)

nemiranda art cafe. yun na siguro yung pinakamatinong lugar sa angono. its a place where i can do and be anything. hindi ko na kelangan magtago para hindi ako makilala ng mga relatives or fans ng magulang ko. there, you could just relax. enjoy your coffee and deadly vice. ang catch nga lang, its along the highway. (highway= polluted with beer houses) yun na yun eh!

mejo pangit nga lang yung feeling kasi i was alone. kape lang ng kape. tapos naririnig yung kumakanta ng mga old songs na hindi ko naman alam. sitting there for about 30-40 mins. sobrang daming shiznit ang pumasok sa isip ko. bakit nga ba ko ndi nagpunta sa party? bakit ba ang tamad ko? bakit ba ko gabi umaalis ng bahay? bakit ba ko mag-isa? i guess at some point in anyone's life, nagkakaron ng pagsasawa and lack of interest. sa lahat ng parties na napuntahan mo, ilan ba dun ang naiiba? ilan yung may nangyaring something really different that you can't forget?

nakakasira ng ulo yung kapitbahay ko. BEP + loud singing to the highest level. nga pla, bka i'll start my raja yoga next week. if you are interested, msggg me :p enter the world of meditationnnn.

me, myself and i

2006-07-11T15:59:00.000+08:00

thank you saisho. i hope you remeber me. :)

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:
You have medium extroversion.You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."
Conscientiousness:
You have medium conscientiousness.You're generally good at balancing work and play.When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.
Agreeableness:
You have low agreeableness.Your self interest comes first, and others come later, if at all.In general, you feel that people are not to be trusted.And you're skeptical that anyone else really feels differently.
Neuroticism:
You have medium neuroticism.You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of.
Openness to experience:
Your openness to new experiences is high.In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

gomoe out, gumoe old then gumoe homeü

2006-07-09T01:30:00.000+08:00

after the longest time, nakabalik ulit ako sa drews. sumenti me there. ang weird nga lang coz the people there weren't that familiar anymore.(mukhang umenglish na rin ako, thank you TUTSiroll!) dati kasi from loob to labas magkakakilala. ngayon, bilang nalang mga magkakakilala. ganun na ata yung from one generation to another generation. i think that's how old people feel. its inevitable not to compare, manghinayang at itanong sa sarili kung anong nangyari. suddenly you feel lost in a place you once called home. to the people who used to go to drews regularly, you know what i mean.

eneweyyz, 1st time ko mastranded sa lrt2. nagbrown/black out ksi. whatev. basata nwalan ng kuryente. funny shit. mga 1 hour bago kame nkasakay ng mga lalake ko. WAHAHAHA. (spam, if you're reading this. prang ngquote lang ako from someone we all know :p)
STRANDED IN LRT2 - V.MAPA STATION

so sa drews nga, didn't get drunk. humang lang with friends. met new ones. hi mich and aisha! then went to popsy's house coz the birthday girl, Amora was vomitting-drunk HAHAHA! okey lang yannn. bertdey mo naman eh. sumakay kame sa pahero ni daahh. slup duth uss!!!

matapos ng lahat ng pangyayari ay umuwi na ako sa aming kolongkolong. (kolongkolong=crib, in english language) nagkompyuter magdamag. nakausap at chinika ang isang lalakeng kumikita ng dolyares sa pinas at gumagastos sa peso. opisyal chikadora niya ko. sa aking palagay, ako lang siguro ang may lakas ng loob magtanong ng mga bagay sa kanya. natatakot siguro yung iba sa kanya dahil siya ay isang batong bituin. e ano naman, tao at pinoy naman siya. (aylabyu!) ang pinoy mahilig sa tsismis.

ang sarap magtagalog. lalo na ang pagenhance of the abilities we learn in school and the environment we are in. i am so gulo na. talk to you soon :)

quote--> "Great minds are tainted black."

home is where the heart is.

2006-06-24T00:15:00.000+08:00

hayy.. after 5days... nsa bahay na ulit ako. ang sarap.

iba pa rin..

my magulong bed sheet and thrown pillows. scattered books and accessories. my computer, bestbud since school started. sobrang gulo!! love it. i missed it a lot. this my world. i do everything here. pero malamang, ndi ksali ang maligo. hahaahh! ang saya. namiss ko talagaaa.

sige na. sa ibang araw na bloggy. im feelin my room.

depressed..

2006-06-13T17:10:00.000+08:00

i used to love rainy seasons. ang lamig eh. sarap mgyosi.haha!! but now. in a dorm. raining. alone. it just feels so depressing. ang labo.prang i feel so alone. prang lahat wala na. as in wala. this time, i really felt that i am a tiny speck in the univrse. other people may see, think and care for me... but not today. not in my dorm room... haaay!!! i miss af. sana high school nlng plagi.. this sound sick. walang improvement sa buhay. but what the heck?!? masaya nman. later bloggy. hehe

second na ata to.

2006-06-05T18:02:00.000+08:00

ndi ko na matandaan kung kelan yung unang post ko. hahaha. 2 days akong ndi ng online. so i'll just share with you my two days :)
nung isang khapon...
bum lang ako. woke up at around 12n. sobrang init. hindi ko na alam nangyari after. basta alam ko. i slept at around 7pm. after dinner. didn't even watch PBB:The Big Night. hahaha!! wtf?! eh sooner or later i'll see them on t.v. (that is if i watch tv. rar.)
so yun. Yesterday.
i woke up really early. like 7am early. i finished reading 11 minutes by paulo coelho. he's such a weird man. mejo nbore ako towards the end. since wala akong mgawa, i continued reading. tapos naging interesting ulit. di ba ang weird?? ahahah!!!
11minutes---> this story should be about life that turned out to be prang porn. or you should see it as an art? prang its too deep for our generation... you know.. fast-paced world. you really need to go back to some pages or don't stop reading.
just like any book, there are quotes that will surely stick on your mind.
-> "One moment, you have nothing, the next, you have more than you can cope with"
-> "Original sin was not the apple that Eve ate, it was her belief that Adam needed to share precisely the thing she had tasted"

testing one. two. ten.

2006-06-03T03:30:00.000+08:00

okey jolog. first time to blog. e sobrang wala akong magawa eh. too late nga lang kasi school is gonna start soon. bakit nga ba ngayon ko lang naisip gumawa ng blog? malay ko rin.
ang weird nman. prang parepareho lng yung font. edi pinili ko na yung kakaiba yung name. isn't that cool?? hahaha!! testing lang to.